Prayer For Surf

Artwork by Dawn Ustach

Lord, by your divine grace, may the surf be epic tomorrow
the way Guy Hagi said on the surf report last night
but not too epic, Lord, head high or smaller please, otherwise I no can handle

Lord, may there be no sharks in the water, 
cruising in da surf, 
but if get, Lord, please surround me with other surfers
just in case of one shark attack   
except of course Lord, if all da surfers are Hawaiian, or part-Hawaiian, cause a guy wen tell me that sharks no attack Hawaiians,   
(Hawaiians eat fish/ eat Hawaiians/ eat/ fish eat Hawaiians—I heard that somewhere too, Lord)
but Lord, not too many surfers, please, or else going be like one H-1 traffic jam, all back up, or more worse,
like Canoes, ho dat place is dangerous, 
remember, last summer, Lord, my friend, the skeg wen split his thigh open,
all the way to the bone,
could see the nerves and da fat tissue and everyting spilling out, blood everywhere,
guaranteed had sharks, Lord. 

Lord, in that case, maybe couple surfers then, 
like da time had da sewage spill after the 40 days of  rain and couple
people wen make cause dey wen catch the flesh-eating disease, no not
leprosy Lord, (blessed be Father Damien)
ho the rain was biblical Lord, you must have been piss off for try and
drown us.

But remember, Lord, had only me and this other guy, 
            Lance I tink his name was, 
            and e-veryting was perfeck,
            had choke waves, no more nobody, 
            just me and Lance 
            and not too much wind—
            ho, Lord, I caught so much waves I could barely lift my arms afterwards 

Lord, may the water not be too cold tomorrow morning
may I wake up early so I can surf dawn patrol
may I not forget the sunblock this time
or da wax
may I not be mistaken for a Japanese tourist. 

Lord, tell Fate Yanagi I love her. 

May I not be on-call tomorrow at the PK, otherwise I no can go
but hopefully, may I work the day after that so I can pay my car insurance.

Lord, May Rasta Jap not be present tomorrow, da guy one asshole,
he take all da waves that fucka, even the shitty ones, 
and no share with nobody—
at least he get one shitty car, probably no more car insurance.
Thank you, Lord.

Lord, in your divine wisdom, may they build more luxury condos 
along Ala Moana—
no can see da mountains anymore, but da buildings so tall 
they block da wind
and da sunsets looks so beautiful in green tinted windows.